


The Reaper versus Polymorph! Issue #1

by TaraHarkon



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Roommates, Secret Identity, Superheroes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 13:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15864249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraHarkon/pseuds/TaraHarkon
Summary: Kravitz McAllister was having a hard time balancing life with superheroing. His roommate, Taako, wasn't helping matters. Particularly not with the need for secrecy.Taako was getting irritated with the local goody good hero type constantly being on his tail. It was screwing up his heists and he was going to have to do something about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bibliomaniac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibliomaniac/gifts), [malevolentmango](https://archiveofourown.org/users/malevolentmango/gifts).



Kravitz wasn’t a big fan of having a roommate in the grand scheme of things. Sure, Taako paid his half of the rent on time and was an excellent chef, but he was also the kind of person who would absolutely eat a cold hot pocket at three in the morning and stare at you like you were the one who had done something wrong. He would leave his laundry on the floor for weeks, he was pathologically incapable of doing dishes, and Kravitz was rapidly coming to the conclusion that Taako didn’t even know there was a time between sunrise and noon. And don’t even get Kravitz started on Taako’s sister and her boyfriend. Sure, they seemed alright at first, but there was definitely some layer of unsettling under that first impression that Kravitz was sure he would uncover any day now. Probably grave robbing or pyromania or something. And then there was the general day to day problem of trying to hide your superheroing from your roommate. Oh yeah, Kravitz McAllister was a superhero and there was absolutely no way he could let Taako find out.

Kravitz clicked the radio on, setting out a dry cloth to start working on the stack of dishes in the sink.

“-after last night’s daring rescue at the hands of the Reaper, more and more people are talking about how something needs to be done to put a stop to the threat posed by the villain known as Polymorph.”

Kravitz sighed and hit another preset. He didn’t want to deal with work at home. Setting a mug down to dry, he let the soft classical music wash over him. Maybe he should talk to the Bureau of Benevolence after all. With Polymorph getting bolder, he might need the back-up. A shiver ran down his spine and Kravitz quickly turned the water off. His Queen had need of him. He clicked the radio off and walked into his own room, closing the door. A moment later, the spectral visage of a woman with a mask like a raven’s skull appeared before him.

“He moves again, my Reaper.”

Kravitz knelt, his head lowered.

“Where?”

“The natural history museum. Move quickly, Reaper Kravitz.”

He stood and his clothing shifted as he willed it. With his face hidden behind a skull mask and a tight black suit on his body, Kravitz held his hands out and willed a portal into existence. He had to move quickly. 

* * *

Taako hummed to himself, walking through the halls of the Neverwinter Natural History Museum. He was running his fingers along the granite wall, transforming what he touched into glittering crystals. He stopped at an intersection of hallways and smiled. The geology wing was straight ahead. Perfect. He had scoped this place out a few days before with his nerdlord of a brother-in-law and he knew that was where he would find the biggest diamond in the world. He pulled out his phone and threw on Everybody Wants to Rule the World. A good heist needed theme music.

“You know, someday I’d love to know why you go by Polymorph when you mostly transmute things.”

Taako whirled around at the voice behind him and sighed dramatically.

“Why is it that every time I try to have a fun night on the town, you show up? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love what you’ve got going on, thug, but you’re always like ‘Don’t steal shit that doesn’t belong to you, Polymorph.’ Like, cha’boy knows what stealing is. That’s what makes it fun.”

Reaper pinched the bridge of his nose despite his mask.

“We can’t keep doing this. Just come peacefully and I won’t have to-“

Before he could finish, Taako was laughing.

“I think we can, homie. You wanna see why they call me Polymorph? Because I am so down to clown.”

Taako grinned wickedly and raised a hand. For a moment, nothing changed. Then, he seemed to expand. A moment later, a tyrannosaurus stood where Taako had been. He roared at Reaper, the sound echoing through the halls of the museum.

“Are you fucking kidding me, right now?”

Reaper dove out of the way, rolling across the cold, stone floor. Taako, or Dupree as he liked to think of this form, took a few steps forward and then dropped the shapechange.

“Hachi machi, my dude, you call yourself a hero?”

He wouldn’t say how much effort it took for him to maintain a shape that was bigger than him. That was for Taako to know and no one else. Reaper growled, getting to his feet.

“Do you have any idea how much damage you’re doing? What they’re going to have to do to repair this damage?”

Taako conjured an apple and took a bite out of it, appearing contemplative for just a moment. Then he squeezed the apple and changed it to steel before throwing it at Reaper. Reaper dodged, catching only a glancing blow on the arm. Taako turned in that moment and ran down the hall. He knew where the nearest exit was and he would just duck out into the city. He didn’t feel like dancing this particular set tonight. The sound of ripping cloth filled the air immediately behind him and Taako ducked from instinct just before a scythe carved the air where he’d been. Taako kicked the door open and dove out. Worst thing came to worse, he could always take a smaller shape and hide, or call his brother-in-law and get some backup. Not, of course, that Barry was a villain. No. But the nerd was fully capable of making an undead army and honestly, he should put that skill to use at least once in his life.

* * *

Kravitz winced as he let his scythe vanish again. That blow to the arm had hurt more than he’d initially thought. A deep tissue bruise for certain. Darting out of the museum, he cursed. Polymorph was gone. Well, at least the aggravating elf hadn’t managed to steal anything that he knew of. Now Kravitz just needed to check in with the police and he could head home. With an inward groan, he remembered the dishes. Silently, he promised himself that his next apartment would have a dishwasher and turned to see if Officer Hurley was here yet.

* * *

Taako flopped onto the couch. Mission not accomplished at all. But hey, at least he’d gotten to one-up the bone man. That was always fun. He would just have to pick a different mark and scout it out with the nerd. Lup attracted attention, but Barold? He was great for shit like this. It was like his mere presence could cause even Taako to go unnoticed. Speaking of unnoticed, where the hell was his goth-ass roommate? Normally, he’d be hearing the insufferable sound of classical music and domesticity but right now the apartment was as quiet as the grave. He stood then and looked around. Then he went to walk into the kitchen. It was as though the moment he passed the doorframe of the kitchen, the radio clicked on and the water started running. There was Kravitz, humming along with some concerto or whatever, and scrubbing at a pan with baked on lasagna. For just a moment, a frown crossed Taako's face. That absolutely had not been the case a minute ago. He was sure of that. Then he noticed a slowly purpling bruise on Kravitz's upper arm. Taako's eyes widened just slightly and he looked his roommate over again. It wasn't possible, was it? There was no way he was roomies with the Reaper, right?

"Hey, homie, what happened to your arm? Someone decide to beat you up for your lunch money?"

Kravitz turned slightly, frowning at Taako.

"Very funny. I tripped, that's all."

Now, Taako didn't believe that for a moment. That was easily the worst excuse in the book and would not produce a bruise like that. He shrugged, trying to look as nonchalant as he could, and then reached to open the fridge, grabbing a tube of go-gurt.

"If you say so, my guy. You have fun with your domesticity shit. I'm going to my sister's."

He cut the top off the package and slurped the key lime goodness as he headed towards the door. He needed to talk to Lup about this. If he really was living with his nemesis, she needed to know and she would know what to do.

* * *

Lup frowned slightly as Taako told his tale and then she leaned back in her chair, grinning. She knew the supervillain world inside and out, having once been one herself. These days, everyone assumed that the Phoenix was dead since she didn't run at Polymorph's side. In actuality, she had retired to marry the nerd sitting with them at the dinner table doing a crossword puzzle while they discussed the ins and outs of figuring out if Taako really did know the Reaper's secret identity.

"So, it looks like we've got two choices here, Ko. Either, we get you a new roomie and stat, or we milk this for all it's worth. You've got a serious chance at figuring out the Reaper's secret identity and shit but you can do a lot with that. Does Kravitz have any friends? Family?"

Taako considered, running through everything he could remember about his odd roommate.

"Fuck if I know. He's into classical music and I think he's a musician. Either that, or he just has a ton of instruments around for funsies. He's never mentioned any family though."

Lup tapped her lips with one finger, deep in thought.

"Okay, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it, I guess. First, you need more concrete evidence that your goth-ass roommate is your goth-ass nemesis."

Barry looked up, a slight frown of thought on his face.

"Hey babe, I need another word for fake, four letters." He tapped the puzzle with his pencil. "Still starts with F."

Lup leaned in, skimming the puzzle.

"Faux, Bear. But..." She looked at her brother with a huge grin on her face. "You still into goth boys, Koko? Because I have a clever plan."

Taako crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well, near as I can tell, you just got inspiration from the fucking crossword puzzle, so it can't be all that clever."

She chucked a roll at his head and then rested both hands on the table.

"You fake-date goth roomie and find out if he's goth superhero. Duh. It's absolutely foolproof. Aaaand if he's not your nemesis, free boyfriend. Think you can do it?"

Taako pursed his lips, staring at his sister for a long moment. Then he grinned wicked, showing teeth.

"Lup, Lulu,  _babe_ , are you questioning my ability to seduce a man? Have you forgotten that I'm  _Taako?"_

She rolled her eyes and snapped before flicking a little bit of flame at him. Barry only closed the newspaper slightly to make sure she didn't catch the corner of it, he was that used to their antics.

"Well, if you're so brilliant then get on it, Koko. And if he is the Reaper..." She chewed at her lower lip for a moment. "Then the Phoenix might just have to come out of retirement for a little while."

Barry closed his newspaper entirely at that and looked at the two of them.

"Lup, if... if it does come to that..." He trailed off for a moment, uncertain, then he took another breath. "If it comes to that, and you need cover for your uh... your whole  _being dead_ story, I... I could-"

"Bear, no. No, we talked about this and you said you didn't want to get involved in..." Lup grabbed his hands, suddenly alarmed. "Babe, you could get hurt. You could get arrested."

He smiled a little and raised her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

"And I also remember what you said when you hung up your mask, about what would happen if anyone found out you were still alive. I can make sure no one suspects a thing."

Lup took a breath and then nodded, letting it back out.

"If it comes to that, Bear, and not until. And... and if it does, we're getting you a good suit with lots of protections in it and..." 

The worry in her eyes was obvious and Taako decided to defuse this situation before he got stuck between the two of them flirting until they felt better. He knew from long experience where  _that_  would lead and he was not about that life. He grabbed the roll from before and chucked it back at her.

"Hey, dingus, back on the fake dating plan here. Dress your man later."

Barry opened his crossword puzzle again, letting them get back to their discussions, and Lup caught the roll, incinerating it with a touch.

"Okay, doofus, but you're gonna need to come up with a natural way to ask him out. Make it sound real, all that. Step one, recon. What does this boy do? You mentioned instruments and classical music shit. We're gonna need more than that. Enough for you to invite him somewhere where he absolutely cannot bring himself to say no. Then you work your charms on him and-" She snapped, a little spark puffing into the air. "Instant boyfriend."

Taako nodded slowly, considering. He tapped his plate while he thought, compulsively changing it between plastic, ceramic, glass, wood, and steel. Then he looked up, alarmed.

"Okay, so this is gonna sound... mmm... Lup, what if he's  _not into guys?_ "

Lup pinched the bridge of her nose. She'd met Taako's roommate a few times in passing and there were a lot of things in this world that Kravitz McAllister could be, apparently including a superhero, but a straight boy was not one of them.

"Koko, I want you to very seriously think about the question you just asked me. Don't worry. Just go home, watch him for a little while, and then flirt like we both know you can until he agrees to a date. If he's into music, ask him to the fucking theatre and go see that musical you won't shut up about. I'll even pay for the tickets." She grabbed the plate away from him before he could change it again and got up to drop it in the sink. "Just keep me up to date on the sitch, okay?"

Taako stood then, reaching for the wrap around jacket he'd left hanging on the back of his chair.

"Natch." Then he tapped the newspaper to get Barry's attention. "Hey, nerd, you down to hit the science museum tomorrow?"

Barry raised an eyebrow and didn't look up from his puzzle.

"I heard how your last trip to the natural history museum went. What are you planning to steal this time? Fossils?" He paused then and looked up, maybe a little intrigued by that idea. "Actually... now that I mention it. If you do go uh... maybe get me some fossils? Like something from a t-rex. A big enough piece that I can do the right rituals to grow the rest of-"

"Barry Bluejeans, I love you with my  _entire_  heart but you are  _not_  animating a Tyrannosaurus in this apartment!" Lup cut him off, putting one hand down hard on the table. "We don't have room and it deffo doesn't live in a fish tank, babe. I don't think we can swing it with the landlord, undead or not."

He shrugged but smiled at her.

"If you say so, babe. But uh... it would definitely be the coolest pet pretty much ever."

Taako strode towards the door, pulling his jacket on.

"I'm going before you two get any weirder or any more domestic. I can't handle it. I'm going home and dealing with my maybe-a-superhero roommate!"


	2. Chapter 2

Kravitz was sitting on the couch in their shared living room, his eyes closed as he listened to some music. It was a quiet morning, long before Taako was normally up. He liked those peaceful hours between sunrise and the sudden arrival of his cryptid of a roommate. He should have another hour at least- And then the door to Taako's room slammed open and Taako wandered out in a pair of tiny little shorts that said 'Hottie' across the ass and nothing else. He waved sleepily at Kravitz and stumbled into the kitchen, hitting the button on the coffee machine almost aggressively. Then he leaned over the divider into the living room and smiled slowly.

"I was thinking about making some breakfast, my guy. How do you feel about french toast? Guarantee its the best in your fucking life. The trick's in the bread. Gotta make sure the slice is thick enough or you just make sloppy ass shit and no one wants that."

Kravitz stared at him for a long moment, waiting for the lull in Taako's words that was certainly coming. When it finally did, he wasn't entirely sure Taako wasn't done speaking. He cleared his throat, confused.

"I would certainly appreciate breakfast, Taako, but... You've never offered to cook for me before?"

Taako's ears flicked back and he shrugged.

"Maybe I'm just... feeling magnanimous. Or maybe I decided you look cute and pitiful sitting there all hungry, since we both know you can't cook to save your life."

Kravitz sat up straighter, feeling poleaxed. Had Taako just called him cute? And then insulted his cooking? Of course, Kravitz knew his cooking was awful and he'd managed to set a pot of spaghetti on fire once but that was beside the point. 

"Well... Either way, I appreciate it. And I'll do the dishes when you're done."

Taako hummed quietly and then grabbed down a frying pan that hung over the stove and went to the fridge for the milk and eggs. 

"Sure, if you want, my dude, but like, cha'boy can totally cook and clean this one time. Especially if you come in here and slice some bread for me because I got this fucking rad loaf from the bakery yesterday and it's gonna make the most baller french toast you've ever had. Just cut that bad boy nice and thick, like... an inch wide. Got it?"

"Of course, Taako."

Kravitz got up and walked into the kitchen, feeling even more off balance than before as Taako handed him the good bread knife. He grabbed the loaf of bread and started carefully slicing it while Taako worked on the rest and then started taking each slice at a time to soak and set in the frying pan.

"You're gonna absolutely love this. I promise you that. Nice and sweet, with just a little bit of powdered sugar."

A few minutes later, they were sitting at the table together eating breakfast. Taako seemed to be smiling to himself, watching Kravitz. For his part, Kravitz was thoroughly enjoying the food Taako had made. It was absolutely phenomenal. He had known the man could cook like this but it happened so rarely. Honestly, half the time, Taako seemed to eat junk out of the freezer, some of it not even cooked. He'd eaten an absolutely absurd number of still-frozen waffles or half-microwaved hot pockets in front of Kravitz, that was for sure. And for some reason, now Taako wanted to cook... for him?

"So, what're you up to today, my dude? Fun plans? Work?"

Kravitz was caught off guard and he smiled, setting his fork back down.

"Nothing much, really. I might do a bit of recording later if it's quiet enough."

Taako's smile brightened and he leaned forward, his head tilted to the side in a way that was distinctly flirty.

"What if I maybe got two tickets for the new Mama Mia movie tonight and didn't want to go alone? Any interest in campy as fuck musicals and ABBA songs?"

Kravitz felt the heat rise in his cheeks and his eyebrows shot up. Taako was definitely asking him out. Where the hell had this come from? It was so... so sudden. Not to say that he hadn't checked him out a few times. But they were roommates! Wasn't there a code? Or something? He licked his lips, trying to hide exactly how hard he was panicking on the inside, and smiled at Taako.

"You know, that sounds great. Assuming you don't mind me singing along the entire way through."

Taako laughed, ears flicking up in amusement.

"If you didn't, I'd be wondering who replaced you with a fucking pod person. It's ABBA, my dude. Noone doesn't sing along with ABBA!"

* * *

When Taako had finished with the dishes, he retreated back into his room and pulled out his phone, dropping onto the bed with it.

- _morning doofus_

_\- plan worked natch_

_\- taking the goth ass roomie to see a movie tonight_

_\- I'll let you know how it goes_

After a few minutes, his phone buzzed and a message from Lup popped up.

-  _good. and if anything goes south during, let me know. Because 'dead' or not, I will totally light a movie theatre on fire for you if it looks like things are going bad._

He chuckled at that and tossed his phone onto the nightstand. He would do no such thing. If he got in a bad way, he would call... Literally anyone other than his sister who was supposed to be keeping a low profile and pretending to be dead, dammit. He closed his eyes, briefly remembering the fire. Fuck, that had been awful. The worst part was that for a moment that was far, far too long, he hadn't even known if she was alive, if the plan had worked, or if... if it had all gone wrong. With a frustrated noise, he rolled to his side to go back to sleep for a while. He could take a nap while Kravitz recorded his music shit. Then he had to get ready for this date.

* * *

Kravitz had his music stand and microphone set up in his room of the apartment, and several of the light gray sound absorbing panels hanging on the walls to make sure he didn't disturb anyone else in their building. Sitting down at his keyboard, he started to go through his warm-ups and found his mind wandering instead. His arm still hurt from the other day and he was going to have to figure out some sort of armoring for his suit before the next time he faced Polymorph. Especially if the villain was going to pull that t-rex stunt again. How the fuck was he supposed to fight a t-rex? There was also the matter of this date night with Taako. He chewed his lower lip for a moment and flipped the sheet music. Taako was... Well, he was different. He was exciting. He was a bit of a disaster but he was funny and attractive. And for some reason, Taako liked  _him._  

Looking at the sheet music again, Kravitz sighed and turned to a blank page. Today wasn't a day for recording it seemed. Not with all the things he had on his mind. Today was a day for composing. Composing and hoping he didn't get interrupted by villains or bank robberies or whatever other emergencies his Queen decided were his problem today. He closed his eyes for a moment, picturing the black and white of the keys and just letting the music flow out of him. There was just so much. So much going on inside of him that he didn't know how to deal with right now. But soon he'd poured it all into leaping notes on the lined page and he smiled. There. It would need some polish later, but the melody line was fairly good, if he did say so himself. Turning to check the time, he heard a quiet knock. Taako stood in the now open doorframe and Kravitz felt a hot blush cross his cheeks.

"Taako, how uh... how long were you listening?"

Taako leaned against the doorframe, a little smile on his face. His hair was up in a bun and he had changed from the pajamas of the morning to a pencil skirt and sheer blouse. 

"Not too long. But damn, homie, that was... real fucking good. What was it? Like some Beethoven shit?"

Kravitz wasn't sure whether to laugh or to be embarrassed. Was Taako being serious? Did he really think it was that good? Kravitz picked up the sheets and got up to set them on his desk.

"Just a little something I'm working on. It wasn't too loud, was it?"

Taako waved that off without even a moment's hesitation.

"Just giving you the half-hour warning. Figured you might want some time to get ready for the movie. You were in the fucking groove, so I wanted to make sure you didn't lose track of time."

Kravitz had lost track of time, of course. Only half an hour? And Taako was dressed well... casually nice, but definitely more on the nice end of things. 

"I shouldn't need that long." Then he decided to take a leap. "Do you want to maybe do dinner too?"

Taako smiled at that and there was no way for Kravitz to know that what he was really thinking was that this was going to be even easier than he and Lup had thought.

"Sounds rad. Got anywhere in mind?"


End file.
